Fucking Marines.....

Fred used to remind me of one of the Marine’s mottos; ‘Not on my watch’. I always thought those words held such power, but I had no idea until September 11th 2001. Like everyone in the United States, I watched this horror, and like everyone else (I assume), I kept thinking about my children. What if they were there? Whose children were there? That day I grasped what Fred was telling me, those words he lived and I was unworthy of. That day I vowed to do my best to live those words too. I knew I would never be worthy of them, never hold a candle to the brave men and women who’s very lives breathed those words, but I vowed to do my best however crappy that may be.

As an part time job during the fall I work as a gatekeeper at Michigan State University stadium for their football games. What that means is I am in charge of a corner of the stadium, gate-wise. I hate the work and I love the work, and to a few ‘green coat’ (stadium security) leaders I am known as the hardest gates. Why? Because when I walk into that stadium for work I hear Fred talking to me. “Not on my watch’. Strange as it sounds, I honestly can hear his voice each day. ‘Not on my watch.’ If the call is search the fans as they enter, then you better believe I make sure that every security guard I have is patting EVERYONE down. If the call is no bags bigger than X, then if some family starts bitching to my guys because they didn't hear and are in from California and their car is 3 miles away, I step in and tell them ' Sorry, but that is the rule. If you wish to enter the stadium you will follow them or you can leave now.' I don't have many fans at times, but I keep hearing that voice and then I see how many ways it could happen that day and I suck it up and tell them that's the way it is going to be and fuck off if they won't listen.

I can’t say that Analysts International (my normal job) and I have always got along, but I have never thought about leaving them. Then I got this call Friday. Resource Management told me Friday at noon, that I would be 3 days in Wyoming starting Monday for a project for the Wyoming Highway Patrol. What I was told at first was that I would build a server, array, workstations, etc. and then turn the whole thing over to a vendor, allow them to install their software, etc. and document the whole procedure. The project involves replacing the Wyoming Highway Patrol’s camera systems with a new vendor’s setup. One that would utilize a hard drive in the trooper’s cars that would be removed at shift end and via a PC docking station would be stored on an array on the network. It was sketchy details at best, but considering that Sunday night I had to get to Cheyenne Wyoming I wasn’t able to get much details. Monday morning I found out different.

Apparently WYDOT (Wyoming Department of Transportation) is in control of the highway patrols budgets, etc. They were convinced by the new vendor that this setup I was to do was golden and the best out there. Of course the vendor backed out actually being there to help the install, and I get the great duty of installing stuff I have never used before. As I setup the hardware (notice I have not even GOT to their software solution) I find out what they are pitching and WYDOT has supposedly bought into is a PIECE OF SHIT!!!! I am pretty sure I did the ‘What? That can’t be right?” thing and WYDOT starts asking for my recommendation so I give it point blank. It turns out that WYDOT was just playing me for free consulting. Our company was hired to do nothing more than the grunt work (unbox, rack and install). Not that it really mattered as there is no way I can keep my mouth shut on this. All I could think about was the officer’s safety. I kept hearing Fred..

So here I am after doing an initial install. I am supposed to just do documentation of how to setup the cluster fuck they are supposed to do. WYDOT wants me to do the consulting thing, which our company doesn’t want to do as they are not being paid for it, and more importantly what I recommend can be use in a court of law. And because it is Highway Patrol, then it is actually a Federal matter. The problem they are asking my opinion on has NO solution. I have been give impossible parameters to try to provide a solution for, and normally I would tell them that they need to just accept this. However, the issue deals with the officers safety. Not in real time, but used as evidence or in criminal investigations. What I decide could be a case where a zealous lawyer could challenge, and one good enough could convince a jury that there was a case of evidence tampering. One that could negate any good it is supposed to do. One that could be used as precedence to overturn prior rulings. I don’t want this, I mean I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don’t want or need this. I have no training on this, I can’t tell them whether what is good in real life is legal. My company’s legal staff won’t talk on this until they get a signed thing from WYDOT. WYDOT wants answers now, but won’t budge on their budget, and meanwhile entire patrol offices are without protection until this happens.

I am afraid of this project. What I might do might let some murderer loose. It might get a good trooper in trouble. I am not the man they need on this. They need a real person, a smart person to figure this out. Not me. I want to run or shoot myself or whatever it takes to get away from this. The problem is I keep hearing Fred.

I can’t leave them, I can’t abandon men and women who walk into deaths den every day for me, just because I am afraid. It’s not fair to them. They are relying upon someone whose has my skills to make the best decision for them, just like I depend on them to know how to keep the child molesters off my kids. I won’t do that to them. I can’t.

I have no idea what I am going to do, but I pray that the spirit of a lot of good men and women will guide me on this. I would love to say ‘right or wrong I will stand by this’, but I can’t. I can’t afford wrong. I will make it right, because I can’t let that voice down. Not on my watch.

The end is near!! Again!!! For the umpteenth time!!!

I love my wife...honestly I do. She can be a real pain at times, but I have never been the picture of calm and perfect. I will freely admit this; the older I have gotten, the less tolerance I have for stupidity and crassness. Yes folks, I am WELL into the process of becoming a grumpy old man. To which I say 'Fuck em they can't take me'. So yeah, she is a saint at times for putting up with me. She does have one quality that I absolutely, completely hate. Ironically it is the one that she makes me put up with the most often. What is it you ask? Reality shows..

I will admit that I actually liked the fist series of Survivor. Heck, I liked whatever the hell the series was that had Rupert on it. I can even say that I have contemplated calling up Chuck and asking him about trying out for Amazing Race. Past that, I really, really, really hate reality shows. Although the hate I have for these shows runs deep and hard, and there are LOTS and LOTS of reasons why I hate them, there is one reason that is the prime factor in my complete disgust at them...the word reality. Yet here I sit again (forced) watching the worst of the worst...Big Brother.

I always thought that reality meant things that can actually happen in real life. Or at least something loosely along those lines. However Big Brother (OK, I really have to include every single fucking MTV series!!!!!!) seems to ignore this. Specifically, they introduce a whole household of models and 6 pack dudes, the oldest being what...29, and tell us that THIS is a true slice of America. Heads up CBS, the VAST MAJORITY of the US doesn't live in dorms doing crunches all day. The sheer fact that they populate these shows (pretty much every single CBS reality show) with these folks and tell us that the players are the 'average American' is reason enough to be pissed. Adding to the factor is that these individuals insist that they are the best simply because of their looks, and it just makes me want put a few rounds into my TV.

CBS also includes two 'stereotypes' in their shows; the gay man and the 'older' person. I guess they figure if they are actually challenged on their premise, they can point two those two individuals and claim they really are representing the medium. The gay males are pretty much cookie cutter versions of Jack from Will and Grace..funny at first, annoying after the newness wears off. The 'older' person has at least been the one person that MOST times actually looked like the rest of us. OK, Chicken George and Richard were scary, but WTF, they were guys I think I have worked with. This year on Big Brother though it looks like CBS decided to drop the sham and just do what makes them money. So here I sit watching the new household (THANK YOU DEAR) and each and EVERY one of them is an add for Avercrombie and Finch.

I guess I should thank CBS for this. At least my wife has no grounds to tell me that I am exaggerating anymore...oh that and the brunette with big boobs who wears bikini tops.